January 20, 2010

to live is Christ, to die is gain.

The apostle Paul wrote those words in Philippians 1:21...God did some miraculous work thru Paul didn't he!? After Paul saw the light (literally) he traveled to Judea, Syria, Cilicia, Galatia, Pamphylia, Asia, Macedonia, Achaia and Italy. WOW. I've shared God's word....via skype to my bestie Nicole and...uhhh..shoot. What am I doing?! Yikes, I'm so ready to go, to tell of God's glory, to "Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and teaching." (2 Tim. 4:2) Its convicting to know that I really haven't done as much as I could be doing, if I died, I have no doubt I would meet Jesus, my Lord and Savior would know my heart and how much I love Him and my willingness and readiness to share Him with the world..but I also know He will stand before me and say, Look at what you could have had, if only you had come to me sooner, done My work rather than yours. In one of my earlier posts I had written 2 Corinthians 5:10 "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad." (NKJV) It came up again today in my devotional time. I pray that I can start doing more good for Christ, that my pile of good will be bigger than my pile of evil. That when I die, I will be able to say "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4:7)
August can't get here any sooner! I feel very unprepared to teach God's word, everyday when I read, I write down scripture after scripture, praying that they will stick, that I will be able to use them when I have conversations with friends, family...strangers. I can't wait to go to Bible college and study the entire Bible in depth, to become closer to God than I can even imagine right now and share with everyone the works and wonders of our God. A few days ago I went to a movie with my friend Robert, The Book of Eli. Okay, I'm about to ruin it guys so if you haven't seen it and you want to be surprised stop reading (sorry). I cried at the end..and Robert asked me if it was because we found out that he was ..... and I said yes, then at home, listening to the wind I realized that that was NOT the reason I cried, it was because this man who had followed God's instructions didn't need the book to share the word of God, because he had it all memorized. The entire Bible. *sigh, here I am teary eyed again. That is faith, what he had was true pure love for God, and more faith and trust than we can fathom. I realize it was just a movie, but I also realize that it is entirely possible, and I long for that closeness with our Father. So I will leave today's blog with this verse. 2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight."

January 06, 2010

crazy love.

A month or so ago, my awesome b.i.l. sent me a book written by Francis Chan, called "crazy love". I finally finished it today with tears in my eyes and with a humbled and convicted heart. So many things in that book made me stop and think, or stop and pray...okay, and stop to cry...but the final few statements were the hardest to swallow.

" The fact that the Bible is clear that each of us will stand before God and account for our lives:

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. (2 Cor. 5:10 esv) "

With less than two pages left, I closed the book and my eyes. What have I done? Good or Evil...can I be an inbetweener? Yeah, I can...but I probably won't meet God. Wow. I don't want to be an 'inbetweener' anymore, or ever again. I want to live my life as if Jesus was following me around, well, not like He isn't already :). I pray to my Lord, that He will help me to live for Him, to search after Him every second of every day, and to show His love, mercy and compassion to every person I meet, whether they are my best friends, complete strangers or my enemies.

January 04, 2010

making a story.

First thing first, I am NOT a writer. I am not blogging because I have a good story to tell, or because I think people are interested in reading about my life and certainly not because I can write well. I decided to blog because this year God is making me a better story, and I never want to forget what I was and would always be without Him. God is the only constant in my life, yet I daily forget Him. I have lived for me everyday of my life, but it has only brought me emptiness, sadness and a want for more. More of the things that will only bring me back to the same place that I started from, back to pain, lies and a heart of lonliness. But I see God sitting next to me with His hand on mine, giving me hope and pouring His love into my heart, because He wants me to be happy, and knows what it will take. Everyday of my life will now start with the sincere prayer of Luke 22:42a, "not my will, but Yours be done." There is nothing I want more from this life on earth but to know God more, to live everyday knowing He will be providing for me, and to share His love and the sacrifice He made for each of us that choose Him above all else.