Last month was my last chance of getting pregnant in time to still have a baby at the age of 26. Of course I know it doesn't really matter what age I am when I have my first child, it was just because that was how old my mom was when she had me. It felt like it would be a fun connection between us three. And then my period was 5 full days late! And I was just so so happy. On day three of lateness we were at church and I was just thanking Jesus for the ability to be a mom, and of fulfilling this dream of mine and I prayed for the health of my little tot and that it would always just feel so loved by us. I knew that God loved me and wanted to show me that I shouldn't doubt Him, that He has my back.
Then on Wednesday I started my period.
But I am still reminded of that joyous feeling I had on Sunday, that I should still have complete faith in my Father, that He loves me more than I can imagine and that soon enough M and I will get our child.
And right now I have so much hope for our future. And I am daily praying for strength and for these feelings of hope and faith last me a lifetime.
Meanwhile I am using CrossFit to keep me occupied enough to not make me think more about it than needed. And I'm thinking that if I'm not going to be growing a big baby belly starting this month that I'll just work more on getting a six pack. And in nine months when I still don't quite have a baby to snuggle with, I'll snuggle with my amazing husband.