So I suppose the good thing about reading the Bible is the closeness you realize you could have with God, our creator. The bad side is that it tends to make me realize how far away from God I really am. Confessing the fact that I might be feeling distant from Him makes me feel like such a small, small person...luckily there was an awesome group of girls to share it with tonight.
Have you ever sat there praying and just been thinking, why don't I feel you next to me? Why do I feel nothing? I think the last few weeks my mind has been being fed this constant lie, that He isn't here with me. That God isn't in everything I see, that I'm not here for Him alone. It's scary, because I started to really think it. The last two weeks at church my pastor has been inviting people that need healing to go to the back where people were praying, or to stay afterwards, so that people can pray for you...and I felt God nudging me there, but I didn't want to seem weak, I didn't want people to know that something was wrong, I'd be vulnerable...but today God pressed and pressed this on my heart, that it's okay to admit that you are on fire, that your life is up in flames, that something is wrong in your heart/mind.
Wise people, they SCREAM fire. They yell for help...Fools laugh and pretend that everything is fine, that they have never been singed. But Christ came for those who are on fire. The burn victims. The wounded. The first thing to do is scream out fire, then move, take a step to recovery. Don't be afraid to ask for help, we all need it, we all struggle and we all have fallen to our sin nature. Christ is there to put the fire out, but we have to give the struggle up to Him.
I have to give a shout out to Jana and Kelly, Sierra and Lucia, who were at my house yesterday evening. I told them that God told me to get prayer, and they all laid hands on me and we prayed. God is so good. Immediately I knew that this was what I should have done the first second I heard that lie. The girls didn't know a single thing that had been going through my head, yet they prayed hard for all the right things. Praise God for giving me the courage to do something scary, and for providing the women to help.
Please act on your pain, get prayed for, over any little thing that might be hindering your relationship with God.
He wants you to come to Him. Let me know if you need prayer!